It's a shower and He's invited!

Waikerie Farm, Maine

The times and more have changed a great deal since the days when my grandma and her friends were getting married (hitched) and having (birthin’) babies. Grandma was born in 1899. When she was married at the age of 17 in a very tiny farming community in southern Illinois, people of her socio-economic status didn’t have big weddings. They just went down to City Hall, the bride wearing a clean dress from her closet and her young man may have actually been wearing his overalls. Because likely as not, he still had to milk the cows when they returned to his parents’ home that evening. Young people didn’t go in too much for living together before making everything legal in those days. In my grandparents’ case they actually lived with Grandpa’s parents on their farm for a little over a year. Grandma once told me that was a BIG mistake.


But the bride’s girlfriends still wanted to “shower” her with good wishes and gifts. The gifts were modest and there certainly wasn’t any registry from which to select the towels or cooking pans chosen by the blushing bride. Usually, there would be a gathering in the basement of the country church after services on Sunday. Punch and cookies would be the customary refreshment offered, and the gifts for the new bride would range from embroidered pillowcases to a single painted plate. And that explains why all of Grandma’s dishes were different in design.

When the babies began to arrive, the same group would gather once again in the church basement, partake of cookies and punch for an encore and ooh and ahh over sweet little knitted booties and bonnets. As time went on there were likely to be a number of toddlers running around and laughing while the women chatted. The men were back at the house either taking care of farming chores or sitting in the rocking chair enjoying an hour or two of not having to tend to any physical labor.

Now let’s move into this century. Not so many farm families any longer and men are becoming more and more present at these celebrations. Instead of the church basement, restaurants, condo clubhouses, and private homes are the more likely setting. The punch and cookies have been replaced with three-course luncheons and wine and cocktails. The wine and cocktails are for everyone except the mama-to-be. And the gifts, my-oh-my! Instead of the single plate, the couple (probably not as young as my grandparents when they tied the knot) may receive a beautiful and complete set of china that they had registered for long before the date of the wedding ceremony. This rather new ritual of registering for gifts can occupy a couple’s time for many Saturdays. Instead of receiving one saucepan, they’ll probably receive an entire set of matching cookware. And I’d love to see the expression on their faces if they were to open a tissue paper wrapped pillowcase.

The site of the baby shower celebration is likely to be littered with fancy strollers, whose price tag may have been equal to a year’s wages for my Grandpa when he was first married. The baby clothes (which the baby will likely wear once or twice before outgrowing) will be beautiful and costly.

BUT…..the grooms-to-be and the daddies are taking part of this old time custom and isn’t it nice that they be included? And I think it’s wonderful that those who can afford to shower their loved ones with expensive gifts do so. I’m sure the young couples are very grateful. I just have to pass along the thought that I get a bit of a heartwarming, tingly feeling every time I wash that single, hand painted plate that was my Grandma’s. Every time I wash it I remember all those long-ago times when she washed the dishes and I dried them and we talked and learned about each other’s dreams and values. The dish will probably break before I can pass it along to my daughter and when it does I know that I’ll shed many tears but I can’t sacrifice the pleasure that it gives me to use it now.

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Gift Giving In Tough Economical Times



Okay, financially speaking, we’re probably all singing the blues right now. Not only nationally, but also globally, people in all economic stratas are feeling, if not a pinch, at least a little nudge in the wrong direction. Many of us are talking around the water cooler at work or the dinner table at home about reining in our spending. Personally, I don’t think this is a bad idea at all. Much of society has been living beyond what they could comfortably afford. Sooner or later that lifestyle is going to catch up. But I don’t believe that we should go around with our chins on our chest, preaching nothing but doom and gloom. We have a financial challenge and we’re going to meet that challenge. In the meantime, we all need to remember that the things we enjoy in life can, and should continue.

If travel is what you want to give your lover as a gift and it is way beyond anything affordable right now, how about a travel book of a desired destination (Tuscany, perhaps)? If finances allow, include dinner at a local Italian restaurant. If finances don’t allow for the dinner, don’t despair. Get in the kitchen and whip up a big pot of spaghetti; throw in a bottle of Two-Buck Chuck and you are looking at a delicious, creative evening.

Say the recipient of your gift is your 5-year-old son. He’s going through an artistic phase and every item advertised on television or in those endless catalogs that continue to arrive in the mail at this time of year that has anything at all to do with drawing pictures, he wants it! And we’re not talking about a box of crayons here. Don’t allow yourself to become caught up in all the advertisements thrown your way. Be creative. Give your child a unique gift. Actually, give him 12 unique gifts. On the 25th of each month in 2009, present young Junior with a wrapped package and a promise to spend a half hour on that very day he receives it enjoying it with him. All well and good, you say, but I can’t think of two gifts that I can afford, let alone 12! Following are suggestions, many of which can be found at your local dollar store.

• A box of crayons. Despite what the television commercials would have
you believe, a child can still find hours of entertainment with a box of
crayons. If your child has crayons already, think outside the box (I know, I
just couldn’t resist!) – get him a box of neon colors, or skin tone colors, or
colored pencils instead of crayons.

• An inexpensive coloring book. These can be found at the dollar store very
inexpensively. Look for one that displays an interest of his – Spiderman, dogs,
word play.

• Sidewalk chalk.

• A pad of colored construction paper, a pair of safety scissors for a young child and
a glue stick.

• Clay or play doh. (And don’t be tricked into believing you need all the special tools
sold in the same aisle – a few items from your kitchen drawer will work just fine.) You can also find the recipe for a play doh substitute on the internet. (familyfun.com)

• Finger paint. If you go to your local newspaper office they may give you a roll of
newsprint. It will last forever!

• Squiggly eyes, glitter, a couple of squares of felt. Then take your tyke on a walk and
collect rocks that together you can turn into pet rocks. Have fun naming them. Don’t be surprised if you both actually become rather attached to your new pets.

• A disposable camera (or let him use your digital camera). Go to a park and let him take pictures with minimal instruction from you. After the pictures are developed or
copied, provide your budding artist with some pieces of cardboard or card stock and suggest he create his own photo album.

• Find some old magazines and provide the safety scissors. Let him cut out pictures while you explain what a collage is (many pictures with a common theme). Then he can glue the pictures on a large sheet of card stock or paper while he explains to
you the reason he chose each one. Believe me, there’s a story in this one!

• This one’s lots of fun! Visit this website: familyfun.com They have recipes for
playing with one’s food. In other words, making art from food – and you get to
eat it!

• Go to your local hobby shop and purchase a package of popsickle sticks. Add
some glue and you’ll be amazed at what might appear on your work table.

• You’ll need a large piece of paper for this one. The newsprint would be perfect.
Have you child lie down on the paper while you trace around him. Then have him
paint the person you’ve traced. Watch closely to see how he perceives himself.

• Pompoms, squiggly eyes, pipe cleaners and glue. Your child can create an entire village.

There, I’ve given you enough ideas for the entire year plus one extra. I’m sure you can come up with many more. But remember that a vital part of this gift is the time you share with your little van Gogh! It’s priceless.

Finally, I’m going to take you to the other end of the age spectrum. This happens to be the end I inhabit so I feel very confident with these suggestions. Those of us who are moving past our ‘middle years’ simply don’t need more things. In fact, we’re trying to get rid of many of the things we have accumulated. Here are a few ideas of things we do need:

We need to know that you care about us. Vow that you will phone us once a month, just to chat. Make the call during a time when you won’t feel that after “hello” you’ll need to rush off.

We need to be able to enjoy a meal that we haven’t opened a can or carton and popped into the microwave. When you prepare a family meal, make a little extra. If it’s for someone who lives in the neighborhood it would be a nice gesture to bring it over on a tray at mealtime, still hot and fragrant, maybe with a flower on the tray. We understand that you probably can’t stay, but the effort to make it extra special will be appreciated.

Sometimes we need to have errands run. Do you have four hours on a Saturday that you could promise if we supplied you with a list, you could run errands for us?

We need to know that our checkbook is balanced. Can you do that for us?

Some of us have failing eyesight. Maybe a grandchild can come by every so often and read to us. If not a book, perhaps a magazine article or some articles from the newspaper.

Most of all, we need to know that we have done something worthy during our lives. Maybe sending a card or a phone call reminding us of a memory you have valued of something we might have said or done.

Sometimes it takes a little effort; sometimes you just forget – but if it’s true, please tell us that you love us.

Celebrating Your Memories Outside the Box!

For those of you who read this blog last week, you may recall that I was making plans to sort through old photos as a winter project. I also promised that I would share with you a marvelous idea. I suggest that as soon as you finish reading this, you visit this website: www.tabithageary.com. This woman has developed a product that every family will want to have – for every member of the family! She has taken the concept of scrapbooking and combined it with the concept of a photo album, and thrown in that unique blend of love found within each family. She then creates a book that I promise will just blow you away.

I’ve seen her work and it’s absolutely amazing, so amazing that her company has been named a finalist for the Martha Stewart "Dreamers into Doers" contest.

This is a product that has the potential to go so far beyond a family album. In this time in our country’s history, when so many of our young people are far off fighting a war that we all wish would end, this book could make a huge difference to their emotional well being.

For the families who have lost a special member and want to make sure that person is never forgotten, this book can link the generations.

To record a special vacation, an achievement, a moment in time, check out Tabitha’s website today. Oh! And the very best part is you can just cart in all those photos and momentos and Tabitha and her staff will put it all together for you!